Why I Vocalize or Don’t Vocalize my Thoughts at Work
Photo by Darlene Alderson
On a flight, I overheard a conversation where two colleagues were intensely trying to “understand” a co-worker’s behaviors. They were throwing out terms like “loner” and “into himself” to describe this person. Finally, one said – “I don’t get his vibe” – before getting up to resume duties.
Since then, I’ve been busy pondering how obsessive we are about labeling people — and just as if the internet was reading my mind, I ran into a Harvard Business Review article about introverts.
The article was a good read.
It was to the point with some good tips on how an introvert can “make (themselves be) seen and heard at work - without pretending to be someone (they) are not.”
The first memorable tip was to be the second or third person to chime in during a work meeting conversation, rather than being anxious about being the first to speak. The second tip was to build on what others have already said by asking good questions.
As I said, good tips. Except those same tips could work for any of us, whether we are introverts or not.
There is more than one reason for why people may choose to take up less space at work. Many people fear or avoid sharing in meetings and it’s not necessarily because they are classically defined as introverts.
Here are some other reasons that come to mind:
You might be a new grad or emerging professional who isn’t yet confident about your own job skills or doesn’t know what acceptable workplace habits govern workplace meetings. It’s hard to contribute if you don’t know the rules of the road.
You could be someone who has just joined a company and doesn’t have all the facts or information yet needed to contribute effectively. It’s hard to share when you don’t know the material.
You may be the “other” at the table, where “other” could be any behavior, practice or identity that makes you feel unsure about your role in that space, at that time.
You may not feel safe or included enough to speak up, voice opinions or take positions, especially if your thoughts might run contrary to where the conversation seems to be going.
When we jump to labeling folks for how they vocalize or don’t vocalize their thoughts at work, we may be missing the range of drivers for workplace behavior, thereby forgoing an opportunity to actually improve workplace culture such that more people feel activated to engage productively.
I remember well being an immigrant of a different ethnicity, entering into work spaces where I was the only person who looked like me. I also remember transitioning into higher education and being the first to work in the college career center with a Human Resources business background versus a counseling background.
As a new immigrant, or someone new to a profession or role, my silence was not always about being introverted. It was about other things including listening to learn and discern American work culture. It was about being a new team member and being completely unfamiliar with how many hours would be spent on small talk about football playoffs, television shows or personal recreation in a work meeting.
That said, I still had to learn how to jump in.
There’s nothing wrong with talking about sports or TV, but it took time for me to build my confidence and learn that if I didn't intervene, the group might spend twenty minutes discussing football playoffs rather than actually getting to the work of the meeting.
At first, I had nothing to add to said sports conversations and if someone was quick to label me, they may have jumped to calling me “the loner” or “into myself”. Or, they might have ascribed my silence to introversion.
With all three judgments, they would have been wrong. It wasn’t that I did not want to contribute. It was boredom. I literally checked out for those 15 minutes of sports chat every week, until I learned. Once people got to know me as ignorant on the playoffs, they chipped in to teach me. And when I became comfortable vocalizing just how much was on my/our to-do lists, those off-topic conversations became shorter.
As it turns out, I am indeed an introvert. So, in reflection, those conversations were probably also more draining for me because small talk drains me. I know that about me.
But being an introvert is only one of the things that I am, and it’s not the only diver of all my actions.
My point being, when we become so obsessed with labels, it is easy to diagnose others and put people in boxes without trying to understand the deeper social and business forces that impact how we relate to each other at work.
My caution is that before we judge – ask; and before we label – ask again. Get curious about people. Don’t miss an opportunity to connect with cool introverts on the things we have in common, before we put people in a box.